Children of narcissistic parents struggle with many unmet needs at various times of their lives. Therapy can be a safe space to acknowledge and challenge the unhealthy dynamics between a child and the parent. Children of narcissistic parents often struggle with various mental health issues including anxiety, depression and/or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but it may be difficult to know the root cause of the child’s issues without a deeper dive into the family dynamics.
From an external perspective, parents who have NPD may appear as attentive, generous, or charming. They may seem to meet many of the physical needs of their child by way of financial support. However, a therapist who understands narcissism will know the covert signs in both the child and the parent.
Potential Signs of Narcissistic Parents Include
- Neglecting or abusing their child, either emotionally, verbally, physically, psychologically, and/or sexually
- Blaming their children when things go wrong and refusing to take responsibility
- Inability to empathize with their child
- Hypersensitive to child’s criticism of their parent
- Self-absorbed, selfish or self-centered with little regard for how their behavior affects their child
- Refusing to place boundaries or respect any boundaries that their child creates for them or placing excessive boundaries and limits
- Being emotionally dysregulated and reactive, most often rageful at times but also incredibly kind and fun at other times
- Invaliding, criticizing, judging, minimizing or even punishing their child for expressing their emotions, causing their child to subjugate or feel guilty when doing so over time
- Using bullying or manipulative techniques to maintain control
- Punishing children in excessive of what is age- appropriate. Punishment often doesn’t fit the crime
- Exhibiting jealousy and possessiveness when their child’s interest or attention is not on them
- Withholding love, compassion, empathy, or understanding from their child or using the silent treatment as punishment
- Living vicariously through their child and treating their child as an extension of themselves or being jealous of their child rather than proud
- Demanding respect but not respecting their child
There are no needs more important than those of a parent’s protection and empathy, without which a child cannot own and develop her instincts for self-protection and self-compassion— the cornerstones of a healthy ego.”
Pete Walker
Signs and Symptoms That You May Struggle with as a Child of a Narcissist Include
Children of narcissistic parents may grow up to find themselves struggling with various mental health issues.
- Low self-esteem/self-worth
- Difficulty making decisions
- Deep sense of self-doubt
- Difficulty Establishing Boundaries
- Seeking External Validation
- Fear of rejection/abandonment
- Mistrust in others
- Perfectionism and Overachievement
- Highly critical of self and/or others
- Difficulty with love and intimacy
- Emotional flashbacks
- Fear of Confrontation
- Struggles with asserting needs & feelings
- Feelings of shame & guilt
- Anxiety
- Depression
Lindsay C. Gibson
Some of the Goals in Working with Children of Narcissistic Parents Include
- Assessing for narcissistic parenting in the family and the spectrum in which the parent falls
- Claiming their identity/sense of self (including their needs & feelings)
- Asserting needs and feelings in appropriate ways
- Educating children about healthy relationships
- Anxiety management
- Self-esteem and confidence building
- Create healthy coping responses beyond Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn
- Grief/loss around the parent they wish they had
- Developing boundaries and asserting them
- Developing self-compassion and healthy anger expression
Our clinicians understand the inner world of a child of a narcissist. We can help meet the clinical needs and begin to heal the early schemas that form in these children. Please contact us to schedule an appointment.